The Five Daily Habits That Keep Me Grounded

I’m a list person. I literally have lists titled Life, Work, Home, Shopping and more…these include daily, weekly, or monthly items to check off such as paying bills, answering emails, laundry, and other exciting tasks that I’d prefer to forget.

Some daily items never make their way onto a to do list; every day I brush my teeth and sometimes even my hair. I eat, I kiss my guy, I hug my kids. I don’t really feel the need to write those down, nor the pull to ignore their necessity.

But my spiritual life, my Soul Checklist, falls into a gray area. I want, no need, to do these things, but at the same time they don’t have the pressing urgency that say, taking out the trash and feeding my family do. There are no immediate consequences to ignoring these things, nor any direct complaints when I neglect them. However, if I don’t do five simple things every day, or at least most days, the emotional baggage starts to pile up. My nerves start to fray. I get more unpleasant to be around. I’m easily distracted. I find myself being short with people, procrastinating, complaining, and judging far more than I would like. These small shifts in my internal spiritual health start to spill over into every single aspect of my life.

So I have a Spiritual Maintenance Daily Five. I literally check them off, because as vital as they are, they sometimes fall by the wayside, losing priority to far less meaningful tasks.

Pray and Meditate

For me, these actions flow freely beside each other. I’m not a particularly religious person, but I do believe in a Higher Power that is a connection to something and everything outside of myself. I don’t know who or what I’m praying to exactly (more on my own spiritual revelation that time a friend compared God to an orgasm here) but I’m “putting it out there.” I have two well known prayers that resonate with me: the Serenity Prayer and the Prayer of St. Francis. Mostly, though, I’m just talking to my Higher Power, channeling my own words, imperfect as they may be.

If prayer is speaking to a Higher Power, meditation is listening. Silencing all of the distracting chatter in my own mind and being fully present and open to receiving peace, clarity, or inspiration. Sometimes I do real proper meditation, eyes closed, lotus position and all, but often it’s just achieving stillness and quiet in my head and heart for even just a moment.

By reading the writings of the most interesting minds in history, we meditate with our own minds and theirs as well. This to me is a miracle. -Kurt Vonnegut

Read Beautiful Words

I just love Vonnegut’s sentiment. I’m a big reader of fiction, and absolutely devour novels at bedtime, but truly beautiful words are a different animal. I am lucky enough to have (make) time in the morning for quiet, reflective non-fiction reading, and keep a stack of books that are indeed lovely at the ready. I read typically short reflections, meditations, or part of whatever thought provoking or inspiring book I’m currently interested in, and take time to really absorb the words on the pages. I currently have my coffee with Brené Brown, Deepak Chopra and Matt Haig. I invite other guests often, and it’s my favorite part of the day. I have a recommended reading list here if you’re looking for inspiration.

Engage in Community

​​The worst loneliness is being surrounded by people but still feeling alone. More than just togetherness, being truly connected with others united in purpose or values, and having shared intimacy and belonging are all essential spiritual experiences. I see people every day, share interactions and space with them. But that’s not what I mean by community, I’m talking about true connection.

Even just being with my family does not always qualify; I need to make an intentional effort at quality time with others. I attend twelve step meetings regularly and fill my spiritual connection there, but that’s not for everyone. I’m not a churchgoer, but many find fulfillment in church fellowship, particularly small intimate groups. Any intimate group where true connection can be made may serve this purpose. Wherever I find it, I need to be with, connect with, engage with my tribe, those that I really care deeply about.

Seek Trusted Counsel

This one may sound odd, but it’s important to me. Beyond just connection, I value true intimacy and open sharing with the short list of individuals in my life who fit this bill. My partner is one of, but not the only person with whom I share deeply and solicit feedback from. I feel that having trusted sources of perspective that are a little further removed from my daily life is important, and actually improves the relationships with my romantic partner and family.

Being lucky enough to be in a twelve step program, I have a sponsor and true friends with whom I can share intimately. In the past, I’ve seen a therapist, I know people who have Spiritual Advisors of different professions, clergy, or just a solid best friend with whom they can be 100% themselves. I value the relationships where I can be authentic and vulnerable and drop the facades put on in so many corners of my life. I gain perspective, sometimes validation, am challenged, and always end up learning and growing personally.

Be of Service

Being of service is not an appointment on a calendar, it is an outlook towards life. Sure, I’ll volunteer for things, generally when strongly suggested by a kid’s sports team or school, but I’m talking about looking at every interaction from the perspective of what I can bring, rather than take. Sometimes this is simply being authentic, vulnerable, and compassionate towards others. Sometimes it is being that trusted counsel for a friend, or checking in to see how someone else is doing. It might even be as simple as a smile in passing to a stranger. Kindness, generosity of spirit, and a good attitude are far better service in my book than an Instagram-worthy volunteer duty.

Aiming to do these five things every single day is the most surefire recipe I’ve come up with for my own spiritual maintenance. In turn, this makes me just a better person to be around. In living well, I am more apt to realize my own worth and value. I’m happier and more at peace and I like to think I pass that on to others. I’m not perfect, that’s for sure. But I’m aware, and I’m making the effort. If we all aimed for loving kindness to ourselves and others, I’m pretty sure the world would be a better place.

I’d love to hear what other spiritual practices you incorporate into your daily life!